Changing Lanes

Dear Tina

I have always enjoyed reading your page both in magazines and on line but never thought I would contact you as I have been reasonably happy with my lot in life. 

I’m married, in my sixties with three sons and a daughter who have all left home now. My husband is a good man but has never been the life and soul of the party preferring to stay home watching television.

I spent a week in hospital last month following a fairly minor operation and while there, I shared the room with quite the most interesting, beautiful woman I have ever met. Over the week we found we had so much in common, we laughed, we cried, we shared stories and she confided she was gay. She gave me her number before I left hospital and said if I felt like meeting up to give her a call. The fact is, I am aching to call her but know it will lead to more than just a coffee – I don’t know where these feelings are coming from, I have never been sexually attracted to a woman before. Every day I find I am resenting my husband more and more and know it’s not his fault as nothing has changed between us except this lady. I have always been quite religious (RC) so know this goes against everything I believe in. Tina, please help!


Well now B, before we start, the good news is, being gay in Ireland is ok and you can in fact marry this lady if you so desire as long as she’s ok with it! As far as the Catholic Church is concerned…I really wouldn’t worry about them, they have far more to worry about with their own housekeeping than you fancying the frillys off your lady friend!

If you do actually decide to take this relationship further, your problems will be much closer to home and you have to be very honest with yourself about your true feelings. Many patients suffer from mild depression after an anaesthetic – could it be that this lovely lady was just in the right place at the right time when you were feeling a little low? A woman chatting to another woman is so much more in tune, she was a captive audience, as interested in your stories as you were in hers, a vast difference from your old man sitting in front of the telly. You would have to take into account your financial situation going forward and how you would manage if you left home. Then there’s your husband and the children and how they would react – if you tell all and things don’t go well, could you bare loosing them?

There is absolutely no reason not to call your friend, meet her for lunch, see how things go in the cold light of day. You might find that what you actually have is a really great interesting new friend whose company you can really enjoy without risking anything at all. I have plenty of gay friends who are witty, inspirational and a joy to be with and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but, I’m not sleeping with any of them and we are all quiet content with that!


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