Give Me Hope

Hi Tina

I need some advice. I constantly feel anxious and have a lack of confidence. I never feel good enough for my boyfriend and feel he puts his friends first all the time. I lock myself away. I am never happy with anything I achieved, I always feel I am not as good as everyone else. I tense my muscles at night during sleep due to stress and anxiety. I have seen two counsellor’s, I just cannot move on and believe in myself and be truly happy.
Something has happened in the past to make you feel so inadequate – do you have any idea what it might be, you really need to know in order to try to fix the problem. You talk about being unable to move on, but from what? You have seen two counsellors – have they been of no help whatsoever and if not, could this be because you are not being totally honest with them as to the root of the problem? Have you discussed this with your immediate family and can they not offer a shoulder to cry on or a friendly ear.

You sound so unhappy and this is probably why your boyfriend puts his friends first. Be honest, does he actually or are you just feeling so miserable that everything, including your boyfriend, seems hopeless? Why do you feel you need to lock yourself away – this just leads to a vicious circle of sadness and misery. What do you like to do – what makes you happy? Try to focus on those things, include your boyfriend and when he sees you enjoying yourself, he will hopefully want to spend more one on one time with you. Put simply, put yourself in his place, it’s difficult to spend a lot of time with someone who appears miserable no matter what you do. You seem fond of him so isn’t it worth the effort – you may be surprised at the results!

You haven’t said whether you have attended your GP and whether they suggested short term medication to help you cope with these sad feelings. If suitable, they can be a great help, you don’t have to take meds forever but they can be a very worthwhile crutch to help you through a very difficult time.

If two counsellors, your family and boyfriend can’t help to make you feel better, then this is a more serious problem than you or I can deal with and you truly do need to make an appointment with your GP. Be TOTALLY honest with him about your feelings – this is your life, your happiness and your future we are talking about – a thing to be treated gently with kindness and understanding. We all need help from time to time and it is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about – we just need to find the right way to fix it properly. Get to the root of the problem and work it out from there.

I really hope you find peace and happiness soon.

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