Looking for love again.

Hi Tina

I am ten years separated after thirty years of marriage and three fab children. Sometimes I think I would like to meet another partner but I don’t think I would trust another man. Is this normal for most separated women? It can be lonely. I have had plenty of counselling and I am now fighting cancer successfully – I hope so. Any suggestions? 

I saw you on Elaine, love your hair colour, I have only Pink in mine, maybe your colour is the way to go!

Mags

 

Hello Mags

So glad you enjoy the ‘Elaine‘ show and yes, bright hair colour is the way to go for us girls, it’s a talking point and makes people smile a lot which is always good. Try putting a few similar colours in at the same time, pinks, purples, light blues – takes longer but looks very interesting!

Now…to have a partner or not to have a partner, that IS the question. I haven’t had one for the last couple of years and friends are always trying to talk me into meeting someone new but I listen to them crying down the phone or into their glass of wine about forgotten anniversaries or birthdays, the affection in their relationships disappearing or their husbands/boyfriends wondering off into the middle distance never to return and I wonder, why when I am so contented with life, would want to subject myself to those possibilities. I suppose if I had never been married and not had a child I might think I was missing something wonderful and in a lot of cases I’m sure it is, but out of my many, many friends I know only four couples that I would say are blissfully happy – not really a great hit rate when you think about it!

In answer to your question, I think it is perfectly normal not to trust men after such a huge let down and also to be very weary when you have given your all to the man you have loved for thirty years – that is a very long time. I’m sure there were days when you felt things were less than perfect but there is something in most women, especially mothers, that stops them from putting themselves first, a trait sadly missing in rather a lot of men – not all, just rather a lot of them. For myself, I was happy to find out, finish and move on rather than be made a fool of for who knows how many years to come.

Mags, you have been through more than most with cancer on top of your break up, you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting through it all and I’m delighted to hear you feel you have got the all clear cancer wise, that is truly wonderful news. I can understand with all that has happened and with your children getting older and maybe not around as much as they were, that you may feel somewhat lonely but you have to be careful out there. An all too familiar trend I’m seeing is separated or divorced men who have lost their homes in the break up, looking for a nice lady with a home of her own to move into. If they stay for any length of time and things go wrong it can be a very, very expensive dalliance. Some years after my friends break ups, solicitors letters arrived and it cost one of my friends €100,000 and the other €70,000 through the courts adding insult to injury from their one time lovers. These leeches had actually contributed absolutely nothing except their prowess in bed to the relationships and, in both cases, the relationships broke up because the men were cheating with younger women. Despite the fact that they hadn’t paid one bill, the courts found in the men’s favour because guess what, they didn’t own a house and their jilted partners did!

So Mags, watch out for baggage, make sure he has a home of his own, a car and a few bob in the bank to see him into old age and most of all, make sure he is kind and most importantly, with a sense of humour. If possible, meet someone through friends rather than on line as that way, at least you have some of their history.

Happy hunting Mags, I wish you the very best for the future.

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