Make sure cheaters never win!

Dear Tina
I found out that my husband was lying to me for many years and I don’t know what to do.

We have 2 grown up boys but our home is in the hands of a vulture fund as he has not paid the mortgage in full as he had been spending money on another woman for around 3 years.

Whenever I was away visiting my mother in England, he took the chance to spend night away with her. I was always suspicious but did not act as I wanted my children to finish school. I put a tracker in his car and discovered his lies, Found receipts and items that’s suggested he was having an affair.

When I finally confronted him over it, he said he was really sorry. He hasn’t seen her again as far as I know but I cannot deal with the betrayal of my trust and the disrespect he has dealt me.

I worked hard all our marriage. Raised 2 boys while he went to the pub most nights. He says he loves me but I don’t know if I can continue after 20 years of marriage but I am so scared of losing my home if the marriage ends.

I wonder what is your advise?

A

Let’s firstly deal with your home and the fact that it is owned by a vulture fund. If you Google ‘my home is owned by a vulture fund’ many different companies come up who specialise in dealing with this problem, you’ll need to contact one to get professional advice on what best to do or contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
Now to your cheating husband. Of course he’s desperately sorry and says he loves you, why wouldn’t he, he sees the possibility of the life he has known and his home disappearing although that didn’t seem to worry him when he was enjoying his three year fling until he was found out.

What you have to decide is whether you REALLY are in love with him still and cannot foresee a future without him. Also, whether every time he leaves the house you will not be wondering where he is and who he’s with…not a recipe of a stable, loving relationship if you ask me. If this is NOT the case and you really don’t trust him anymore, why prolong the agony, it is only rewarding bad behaviour for no good reason.
Going forward, you say you visit your mother in the UK. I don’t know how old she is but you may be left in inheritance in the future which would more than likely then be used to pay off a substantial part of your mortgage and, should your marriage fail anyway, this person you no longer trust and don’t love will walk off with half of everything.
I would see a really good family lawyer, I had a brilliant one in Dublin and if you would like to write into the show I will give you her details.
I wish you the very best of luck in this, it’s a horrible, lonely time so try to confide in family or a really good friend for back up. After investing so many years in someone’s welfare not to have it returned is nasty but personally…and I did it myself with a 10 year old… I would be inclined to call a halt to this as I feel all trust and love has gone in your case and, as you really do only have one life to live, don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t deserve you.

Should your marriage fail anyway, this person you no longer trust and don’t love will walk off with half of everything.Tina Koumarianos

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