About a year ago I met a really lovely guy – handsome, intelligent and well dressed. He had been married some years ago and was just out of a previous relationship when we started dating. All was going so well, dinners out, holidays abroad, lots of laughter etc then suddenly out of the blue, dark mood swings started occurring which quite frankly really upset me. All the fun things we used to do suddenly stopped and we just sit at home now . I never know when these mood swings will kick off, one minute he’s sunshine and laughter and next he walks out without telling me leaving me wondering if he’s ever coming back. When he does eventually return a couple of days later, he’s always full of apologies and promises never to do it again but of course it’s only a matter of time. I don’t know how many nights I have cried myself to sleep. I seem to be very unlucky with my choice of partners. Help!
Oh boy! Are you ever lucky you’re not married to this guy. As my mother always used to say, ‘marriage is very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of’ so definitely put any thought of that on the back burner until you have explored every avenue. Dealing with the present, you mention handsome, intelligent and well dressed – where is kind, loving and thoughtful? Could it possible he is seeing someone behind your back which would account for his sudden unexplained exits – I’m not saying he is… it’s just a thought. One way or the other, what are you hanging around for – years of misery and uncertainty? I do know there are women out there who just don’t feel whole without a man on their arm but you have to ask yourself, is it really worth it? The ladies of my family are very fond of sayings and, as my dear sister in California says in cases like these, ‘the screwing you get ain’t worth the screwing you get’ so with that in mind, you would have to ask yourself what happened to his last two relationships – why did they finish?
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, search your sole, could it be something you have said or done to change this formally idyllic relationship? You say you have been unlucky in love before so it may just be worth investing in a couple of trips to a therapist to see if it is you who is making these relationships crash and burn. If it’s not you, then has something recently happened in his life that has caused this change and if so, why can’t he discuss it with you?
The way I see it, you have a couple of choices – problems have arisen in your previous relationships so maybe get yourself checked out, or, you can hang around for years hoping things will get better which is my least favourite option – or you can cut your losses now before it’s too late and hopefully find someone far more deserving of your love and affection assuming it is his fault. Hell, even if you don’t find Mr Right you will be no worse off than you are at this minute.